


The Evolution of Fear

by Hummingbird1759



Series: Fear-verse [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drug Addiction, Gen, Growing Up, Kid Mycroft, Kid Sherlock, Mycroft-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-04
Updated: 2013-03-24
Packaged: 2017-12-04 08:10:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 35
Words: 6,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/708484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hummingbird1759/pseuds/Hummingbird1759
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Snapshots of Mycroft's greatest fear at different times in his life, childhood to present day. Rated T for angst, profanity, references to drug use in later chapters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1977

**Author's Note:**

> These chapters are sequential and each will be 221 words or less. I don't own these characters, the magnificent Moffat/Gatiss and Arthur Conan Doyle do. Cross-posted at FanFiction.net.

Mycroft is seven years old and laying on the couch reading tales of King Arthur. He wishes he could be like Merlin, the wizard who advises the king but doesn't have to go into battle himself. _(Merlin's the one who's really in charge because he tells Arthur what to do.)_   Mycroft sits up and listens when he hears the front door open and grown-ups talking. From snippets of conversation, he knows that his parents have just brought home his new baby brother, Sherlock. After Nanny coos over the baby, Father and Mummy take him to meet Mycroft. Mummy asks, "Do you want to hold him?" He fidgets before tentatively nodding, and Mummy gently places Sherlock in Mycroft's arms. _(He's so small.)_

Looking down at the fragile infant, Mycroft's greatest fear is that he will break his little brother.


	2. 1978

Mycroft is eight years old and Sherlock is 13 months. Newly mobile, baby Sherlock is into everything and his favourite place seems to be Mycroft's room. Whenever Mycroft sees the door to his room ajar (which happens more and more these days), he knows that Sherlock is in there causing trouble.  _(Not again! I wish Mummy would let me have a lock!)_

From the hallway, he hollers, "Sherlooock! Nanny, Sherlock's in my room again!"

When he walks into his room, Mycroft is horrified at the sight of his baby brother teething on his chess set. As he tugs the rook out of Sherlock's drool-covered hand, Mycroft's greatest fear is that his brother will ruin his toys.


	3. 1980

Ten-year-old Mycroft is in his bedroom writing a report on King George III when his brother bursts in, tears running down his chubby cheeks.  _(Now what?)_

Three-year-old Sherlock howls, "I was bit by a spider! I'm going to die!"

Mycroft puts down his pen and turns to face his brother. "What makes you think that?"

"I saw it on the telly," little Sherlock bawls. "If a Black Willow spider bites you, you die!"

"Black  _Widow_ , Sherlock, and there's no way you were bitten by a Black Widow."

Sherlock folds his arms. "How do you know?"

"Because I read in this book that Black Widows don't live in England. See?" He flips to the correct page and holds it up for Sherlock.

Sherlock carefully sounds out, "North America." He looks up at Mycroft and says, "You're the smartest boy ever! Can I have a plaster?"

" _May_  I, and go get a plaster from Nanny. I'm busy."

The small boy looks at him with puppy-dog eyes and a trembling lower lip. "I only want  _you_!"

Mycroft sighs, scoops up Sherlock, and carries him off in search of the first aid kit. His greatest fear is that his friends will find out that he's wrapped around his baby brother's finger.

 


	4. 1981

Four-year-old Sherlock is pretending his treehouse is a pirate ship. Mycroft sits under the tree reading. Occasionally he watches Sherlock gives orders to his imaginary crew and threaten to make them walk the plank.

Mycroft does a double take when he sees Sherlock standing on a limb of the tree holding onto a vine. He shouts, "Sherlock! What are you doing?"

Sherlock yells, "I'm going to swing over to the other ship! Prepare to be boarded! Arrr!"

Mycroft realizes that his baby brother intends to use the vine to swing to the adjacent tree.  _(There's no way that vine will hold his weight!)_  With a speed he didn't know he possessed, Mycroft clambers up the tree and yanks the vine out of Sherlock's little hands.

Sherlock's lower lip trembles, but before he can protest, Mycroft bellows, "Not so fast! I'm the Royal Navy and I'm here to save that ship from you evil pirates!"

"Arrr! Take that, scurvy dog!" Sherlock roars, pretending to stab Mycroft with a toy sword. Finding a toy sword of his own, Mycroft "stabs" Sherlock in return. The boys play merrily until Mummy calls them to dinner.

Mycroft's greatest fear is that he won't be there the next time Sherlock tries to swing on the vines.


	5. 1982

Mycroft is twelve and Sherlock is five. Mycroft glances out the window during biology class and notices a group of bigger boys shoving his little brother into the dirt and playing Keep Away with his backpack. He's tempted to teach them a lesson after school, but he knows they've got him outnumbered. He remembers the notes he saw those boys passing when they thought no one noticed and gets a better idea.  _(Like Father says, why out-punch when you can out-think?)_  Mycroft decides to anonymously inform the headmaster that those boys were cheating, and the boys are expelled.

A few days later, Mycroft looks out the window again to see Sherlock playing alone, but seemingly contented.  _(Mycroft: 1 Arseholes: 0)_

Mycroft enjoys school, but his classmates have made life miserable for him. His greatest fear is that Sherlock will suffer the same fate.


	6. 1983

Mummy is throwing a Christmas party. Mycroft and Sherlock have been paraded out in their nicest clothes so that their parents can show them off. Both boys find this tedious, and at their earliest opportunity, they sneak up to a balcony overlooking the living room. Crouched at the railing, the boys drink their tea and try to deduce the guests.

"Why do you think that man's sitting alone?" Mycroft asks.

"He's sad and doesn't want people to know."

Mycroft nods. "Why is he sad?"

Sherlock ponders for a moment. "His wife died. He's fiddling with his finger like there should be a ring on it."

"Right. She passed away just before Christmas last year. He's here because everybody expects that he should be able to enjoy a party by now, but he can't." Pointing to a woman, Mycroft says, "What about her?"

"She's been kissing somebody she's not supposed to. She looks guilty every time she sees him," Sherlock says, indicating her paramour.

"If her husband finds out, there will be a scene."

"That would be the best party ever," Sherlock says, and the boys chuckle.

 _(He keeps up with me better than the adults, and he's only six.)_  Mycroft's greatest fear is that Sherlock will someday surpass him in deduction.


	7. 1984

Mycroft has just returned home on break from Harrow as the top student in every subject. The reward for his achievement was a sound beating from one of the larger boys in his class. Ashamed of his wounds, Mycroft skulks in via the rear entrance of Holmes Manor and sneaks up to the bathroom. Mummy would make a fuss and Father would scold him; he's in no mood for either.

As he bandages his hand, he hears muffled voices in the next room, which is Sherlock's.  _(Sherlock is in trouble, but why?)_  Mycroft silently places a plastic cup onto the wall and listens in.

Father says, "Sherlock, you're a bright boy but you aren't living up to your potential! Why can't you be more like Mycroft?"

Mummy tells Sherlock he's not allowed to watch telly or play pirate for a week, and if his grades don't improve, no more violin. Then she and Father depart.

Sherlock hits the wall just at the spot where Mycroft is listening, which gives the older boy an earache in addition to his other pains. Then he shouts, "I hate Mycroft!"

His brother's words make the beating feel like a love tap.  _(Et tu, baby brother?)_  Mycroft's greatest fear is that people will always resent his brain.


	8. 1984, part 2

The following day, Mycroft flops on the couch prepared to watch his favourite movie,  _Lawrence of Arabia_. Sherlock walks in and stands directly in front of Mycroft, blocking the view.

"Mycroft! Let's go outside!"

"I'm watching a movie!"

Sherlock rolls his eyes. "Boring!"

Through clenched teeth, Mycroft growls, "Get lost, Sherlock. Mummy won't let you watch telly anyway."

"How come you can?"

Still smarting from his brother's words the night before, Mycroft lights into him. "Because unlike you, I actually put effort into my schoolwork! Maybe if you weren't such a lazy prat, the grownups wouldn't always be so cross with you!  _Now bugger OFF!_ "

Sherlock snatches the remote control from his brother's hand and begins flipping channels. Mycroft lunges for him and the two boys wrestle on the living room floor.

"Boys!" The sound of Mummy's voice halts them in their tracks. "Stop fighting this instant! Violence is not allowed in this house! Now I want you both to apologise to each other!"

"Sorry," they grumble.

Mummy orders both boys to their rooms. As they climb the stairs, the boys snarl at each other under their breath.

"I hate you," Sherlock says.

"I hate you too," Mycroft replies.

Mycroft's greatest fear is that Sherlock is always going to ruin his fun.


	9. 1985

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a slightly different version of this chapter than the one posted at FanFiction.net. Thank you to KrisEleven for suggesting these changes!

During summer break, their parents call a family meeting. Father looks more grim than usual. Mummy is outwardly composed, but Mycroft can tell she's worried.  _(Not smiling, eyeliner smudged… this is bad. She's not been this agitated since Granny died.)_ Mummy pulls Sherlock onto her lap and tells the boys that she has breast cancer. She assures them that she'll get better and everything will be fine, but Mycroft can tell that something is amiss.

The next day, Mycroft heads to the library and checks out everything he can find on breast cancer. With no schoolwork, he throws himself into this pursuit. He has much to ask Mummy – what stage is it, what drugs will you receive, will you need surgery – but their family does not discuss such things _._ His parents think they're protecting him, but the lack of knowledge only heightens his anxiety.  _(At least Sherlock can deduce what's going on from Mummy and Father's behaviour. I can't watch them from Harrow.)_

Mycroft's greatest fear is that he will never be trusted with the truth.


	10. 1985, part 2

Christmas used to be a happy time at Holmes Manor. In years past, the Holmeses opened presents, had a huge feast, and drove to Oxford Street to admire the Christmas lights. This year, the festivities are curtailed. Mummy is barely able to participate in opening presents and goes to bed immediately after dinner. Sherlock begs to go see the lights because there's an LED display this year. He bounces on his toes while repeating, "please" to Father. Father shoots Sherlock down, telling him that he's too old for such sentimentality.

Later that night, Father knocks on Mycroft's bedroom door and asks if he's seen Sherlock. The boy isn't in his room, and nobody's seen him for hours. Mycroft immediately knows where he's gone and persuades Father to take him to Oxford Street. There, they find Sherlock, looking at the lights without a care in the world.

At home, Father scolds Sherlock for running away. Mycroft tells Sherlock they could learn about LEDs any time, and they didn't need to rely on silly traditions. Father looks pleased with the older boy; Mummy glares disapprovingly at both of them but is too fatigued to argue.

Mycroft's greatest fear is that he'll never make both of his parents happy at the same time.


	11. 1986

Sherlock is nine years old and his teacher has demanded a meeting with his parents. Mummy is recovering from her mastectomy and cannot leave her bedroom, let alone listen to her son's teacher tell her how infuriating he is. The British government has abruptly called Father away to some undisclosed location. The nanny resigned months ago after the incident with Sherlock's chemistry set and their parents have yet to replace her. Thus, Mycroft is the only representative of Sherlock's family who can go to the meeting, and he and Sherlock will go, no matter what Sherlock says _. (At least I can return to Harrow in the morning.)_

Sherlock whines, "Mycroft, I don't want to go!"

Mycroft barks, "You should have thought of that before you called Mrs. Jenkins a sadistic twat!"

The younger boy huffs, "Well, she  _is_  a sadistic twat!"

_(Yes, and that's exactly why you shouldn't have said so!)_  "I don't care if she's a sadistic twat! If I have to miss playing Risk with my roommates, you have to come to this meeting!"

With Mummy sick and Father taking on more and more responsibilities at work, Mycroft is beginning to feel like Sherlock's third parent. His greatest fear is that he will never escape that role.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Mycroft is still at boarding school. Harrow is in London and Holmes Manor is also in the London area, which makes it relatively easy for him to come home for things like this (much to his consternation).


	12. 1987

Mummy needs rest, so Mycroft takes Sherlock to the park. It's a brilliant summer day and Sherlock busies himself looking at the insects in the flowerbeds while Mycroft sits under a tree with  _Julius Caesar_. He doesn't notice the teenager who approaches until she's towering over him. Startled, Mycroft looks up to see a sheepish girl holding  _Much Ado About Nothing_. She asks if she can join him, and Mycroft says yes.

The girl's name is Beth, and she's also at the park watching a younger brother. The teens chat and trade Shakespeare quotes. Mycroft didn't think he cared about romance but he finds himself with butterflies in his stomach.

Beth points to a boy chasing a girl around the playground, worms in his hands. "Who's that hellion?"

"No clue," Mycroft says.

Minutes later, both are startled by a boy's shrieks. The little girl's brother has decided to teach Worm Boy a lesson. Mycroft winces as the bigger boy gives Worm Boy a black eye.

Wary of the bully, Beth collects her brother and Mycroft's phone number and departs. Mycroft finds Sherlock and promises to put ice on his black eye when they get home. Mycroft's greatest fear is that he'll never make this up to Sherlock.


	13. 1987, part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly different than the chapter posted at FF.net - thanks to sevenpercent for the suggestion.

Mycroft storms into Holmes Manor and flops down on the couch as only a teenage boy can. Mummy lectures Sherlock as she drags him inside. She finished chemo last month, and she looks striking even when hairless. Mummy sends Sherlock to his room, and then carefully sits next to Mycroft on the couch. They've just come from a party where Sherlock has rattled off his inconvenient deductions in front of the wrong people. Specifically, the father of the girl Mycroft fancies and the man who  _was_  going to interview Mycroft for the gap year internship he wants. Two amazing opportunities blown because his stupid baby brother had to point out that one of those men is sleeping with his secretary and the other wets the bed. For the next 30 minutes, he rants that Sherlock ruins everything.

Ending his tirade, Mycroft bellows, "I wish I were an only child!"

Mummy gasps, "Mycroft Holmes! You don't mean that!"

With everything he possesses, he shouts, " _Yes, I do!_ "

A thump comes from the balcony and the two look up just in time to see Sherlock run away sobbing. Mummy gives Mycroft a look of utter disappointment before chasing after Sherlock. Mycroft's greatest fear is that he has broken something that cannot be fixed.


	14. 1988

Mummy's cancer is in remission and the Holmeses take a celebratory trip to Barbados. Sherlock wades through the surf, cataloging all the varieties of starfish and crabs he finds and comparing them to creatures he's seen on other family vacations. Father is swimming in the ocean and between laps comes to advise Sherlock on his work.

Father says, "Colour, size, number of appendages, good, Sherlock! With the starfish, don't forget the pattern of the ossicles. The more data we have, the easier it will be to find the scientific names."

Mummy and Mycroft rest on deck chairs, a beach umbrella shading them. Mummy is once again reading  _Jane Eyre_. Mycroft is reading a Tom Clancy novel and trying to find the errors in it. Every so often, she will tease him about his choice of reading material and he will return the good-natured jibe.

Mummy purses her lips insouciantly, saying, "And what do you intend to do with your list of flaws in Mr. Clancy's book? Send it to him and hope he writes a corrected version?"

"Yes, and ideally he'll ask me to collaborate. Haven't you memorized  _Jane Eyre_  yet?" Mycroft says, and there is almost a twinkle in his eye.

Mycroft's greatest fear is that they will never be this happy again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ossicles are the components of a starfish's exoskeleton. Isn't Wikipedia grand?


	15. 1989

Nineteen-year-old Mycroft has a gap year internship in Geneva. On a gray day in March, he receives a phone call telling him to return home at once. He immediately knows why he's been summoned, but he tells himself to act shocked anyway.  _(Might as well let Mummy think she can still fool me.)_  At dinner the following night, Mycroft's suspicions are confirmed: Mummy's cancer is back.

Sherlock pouts that the doctors were wrong, and then gripes that they're idiots. Father tells him not to be so disrespectful and reminds him that the doctors cured Mummy before, and they can do it again.  _(Remember what he said when she was diagnosed: emotions won't cure her. Emotions will only complicate the problem.)_

Mycroft has kept up with his breast cancer reading over the years. He knows what the survival statistics are for recurrences. He knows that Mummy will not get better this time, and he can see that she knows it too. His greatest fear is what Sherlock will do when he figures it out.


	16. 1990

Thirteen-year-old Sherlock has a violin recital. Mummy dearly wanted to come; she plays too and when she's able, she and Sherlock spend hours discussing the instrument and composing together. Now, the new chemotherapy has her vomiting every hour and so weak that she can barely lift her head. Father is off doing some mysterious chore for the British government. Mycroft had promised to attend, but at the last moment, his Macroeconomics professor rescheduled an exam. In an attempt to be everything to everyone, he sneaks into the recital late so that he can spend an extra hour cramming. He arrives after Sherlock begins playing, and from the rear of the auditorium he can feel the anger coming off of his little brother.  _(I'm here, Sherlock. Doesn't that mean anything?)_

Thus far today, Mycroft has planned an event for the Oxford International Relations Society and spent several hours studying. Tonight at Holmes Manor, he'll need to pay the servants and badger Sherlock to play for Mummy and do his schoolwork  _(must prepare him for Harrow in the fall)_. Family responsibilities fulfilled, Mycroft will study all night and catch the earliest train back to Oxford in the morning.

Mycroft's greatest fear is that all the balls he juggles will come crashing down upon him.


	17. 1991

Mummy is weak and bald from the chemo but insists on throwing a party. Mycroft grits his teeth through the entire occasion. In years past, he was able to sneak away with his brother and deduce the guests. Now he must make small talk and attempt to be entertaining. He occasionally looks up to see Sherlock alone on the balcony and gives him signals that only the two of them understand.

As the party winds down, Mycroft joins Sherlock on the balcony. The brothers have fought more since Sherlock started at Harrow, but tonight there is peace. They sit by the railing and compare deductions about the guests just as they did when they were small. Mycroft gently points out Sherlock's mistakes, and Sherlock amiably teases his brother about Mrs. Hawthorne's clumsy attempt to set him up with her niece.

When the last guests have gone home, the boys join Mummy and Father in the living room. Mummy says, "You were both proper young men tonight. I'm so proud."

Father makes an offhand remark about next year's party and Mummy smiles wanly.  _(Why won't anyone admit that this is her last Christmas? For God's sake, please just be honest!)_ Mycroft's greatest fear is that they'll keep up the charade too long.


	18. 1992

Mycroft has just spoken with his mother for the last time. Camouflaging the tears on his face, he walks out of her room looking for his brother. Mummy asked to see Sherlock and Mycroft is determined to find him. On his way outside _,_ he is shocked at the sight of Father smoking on the patio.  _(He hasn't smoked since before Sherlock was born.)_  Father nods as if to say that he approves and then goes back to his pipe.

Suddenly, Mycroft gets an idea. He strides across the yard to the largest tree on the property, where their dilapidated tree house perches. The teen has done a capable job of covering his tracks, but he can't fool his big brother. Mycroft climbs up and pokes his head into the tree house. Sherlock, a ball of gangly limbs and messy curls, sits in the corner weeping.

The older brother prays the tree house doesn't collapse as he crawls over to Sherlock and gently places a hand on his shoulder. He whispers, "She'll go whether you see her or not."

Mycroft can't decide if he should drag Sherlock down to see Mummy or let Sherlock come down in his own time.  _(Which is likely never.)_  His greatest fear is that he will choose poorly.


	19. 1992, part 2

Mycroft decides that he has never broken a promise to Mummy before and he's not going to start now. He resolves to get Sherlock out of the tree house and up to Mummy's bedroom. The next few minutes are a symphony of terror.

_(This tree house is going to cave in and we'll be killed.)_

_(Sherlock is going to hit me.)_

_(Sherlock won't come back to the house.)_

_(Father will try to lecture Sherlock. He'll run away again and we'll never find him in time.)_

_(Sherlock is too late to see her.)_

None of the catastrophes Mycroft imagined came to pass. The tree house wobbled but held them up. Sherlock looked like he wanted to punch Mycroft but didn't, and they walked back to the house silently. Father gave Sherlock a dirty look but said nothing. Mummy was still alive when Sherlock entered her room. Shortly after he left, she fell asleep and never awakened.

This has been the worst day of Mycroft's life so far. His greatest fear is that there are darker days ahead.


	20. 1993

The boys are home for Christmas, and Sherlock, the academic underachiever, has endured yet another of Father's blistering lectures on "why can't you be more like Mycroft?" After Father goes to bed, Sherlock sneaks downstairs. As he turns up his coat collar, Mycroft confronts him. "Do you really think Father won't notice you leaving?"

"Notice? Yes. Care? No."

Mycroft sighs heavily.  _(I hate it when he's right.)_  He asks Sherlock if he can come along, and Sherlock throws Mycroft's coat at him. The boys take the Tube to Oxford Street and find a quiet place to deduce the passersby. It's just like Mummy's parties when they were small, although neither mentions her.  _(I shouldn't still care this much.)_

When they return home, Father sends Sherlock to his room and lectures Mycroft. "I expect this from Sherlock, but not you! You're above all this sentiment!"

"Sentiment had nothing to do with it, Father. I merely wanted to get some air," Mycroft sniffs, and stalks off.

Sherlock is waiting in Mycroft's room. "You finally defied Father. I'm so proud!"

Mycroft smirks. "Perhaps one day, you might even obey him."

"Boring!" With that, Sherlock flounces off.

Content, Mycroft stretches out on the bed. His greatest fear is that their truce won't last.


	21. 1994

It's Christmas at Holmes Manor. The three most unsentimental men in the universe are stuck celebrating  _(if one can call it that)_ the most sentimental holiday together. Mycroft tries to talk to Sherlock, but Sherlock coolly deflects all his inquiries.  _(Rejected by Oxford and taking it out on me. Very mature, Sherlock.)_  Instead, he chats with Father about his career plans. Mycroft will receive his master's degree from Cambridge in June, most likely with honours, and he hopes to join Father in the British Government. Father gives him sound advice but never says that he's proud.  _(Praise was Mummy's job.)_

Christmas night, Mycroft stuffs himself while Father and Sherlock pick at their dinners. Shortly after dinner, the other two men retreat to their bedrooms. Mycroft pours a glass of brandy and sits in front of the fire in Mummy's favourite chair.

He can almost hear her saying, _"Isn't this what you three wanted?"_

_(No.)_

Mycroft's greatest fear is that it's what they deserve.


	22. 1995

On a perfect spring day, Sherlock Holmes graduates from Harrow. He's far from the only Old Harovian in the family; Mycroft, Father, Grandfather, Uncle Sherrinford… in fact, for the last 300 years every Holmes man has attended Harrow. And, as Father is quick to point out, every one of them has graduated with honours.

"Except for you," Father snorts, giving Sherlock a disdainful look.

Mycroft's jaw clenches. He's got to say something or Sherlock will make a scene, and then Father will spend the rest of the day acting smug because he was right about the little prat all along.

He says the only thing that comes to mind. "As they say, Father, you can't win them all. Shall we make for the reception?"

"Yes, dear brother, we all know you're just here for the food," Sherlock hisses, and storms off.

Father is certainly being disrespectful, but Mycroft can't hide his annoyance with Sherlock, either.  _(It isn't my fault that you didn't study enough!)_  Mycroft's greatest fear is that Sherlock will always blame someone else when things go wrong.


	23. 1996

Visiting home, Mycroft walks by Sherlock's room to see if his brother is in. Unsurprisingly, he is not, so Mycroft deduces the combination to the lock and goes in. He pokes around and finds a box hidden in what Sherlock thinks is a secret compartment of his headboard.  _(Sherlock, when will you learn that you can't fool me?)_ The box is full of drugs – unidentifiable pills and what appears to be cocaine.

When Sherlock returns to his bedroom that evening, Mycroft waits for him. The box rests in Mycroft's lap.

Sherlock struggles to focus on Mycroft, then demands, "What are you doing here?"

"In case you hadn't noticed, it's Christmas."

Sherlock spits, "I meant what are you doing  _in my room_ , wanker?"

"I'm worried about you. With good reason, it appears," Mycroft says, holding up the drugs.

The younger man snatches the box. "Leave."

"This is no way to start your University career, Sherlock. Mummy would be extremely disappointed," Mycroft says as he stands up.

"And she's probably delighted that you're here to remind me of all my faults!" Sherlock growls as he smashes his fist into his brother's face.

At Christmas dinner, both Holmes brothers sport bleeding noses. Mycroft's greatest fear is that Sherlock is an addict.


	24. November 1999

After dropping out of University and spending two years in the States doing God-knows-what, Sherlock returned to Britain and agreed to go to rehab. Mycroft is the one to take him there. On the drive over, he struggles for words. Should he be grateful that Sherlock finally decided that he had a problem and something needed to be done? Should he tell him all the things he's missed while using? Should he be angry at everything Sherlock's done? The latter two, he decides.  _(It's for his own good.)_

"It's about time you did this. Father's been under enough stress lately with Y2K coming up and all your misbehaviour has half killed him. And look at you! Covered in track marks, clothes from a rummage sale barely hanging off of you! I'm just glad Mummy can't see what you've done to yourself!"

Sherlock silently gazes out the window. To his elder brother, he appears bored with the whole business.

Mycroft's greatest fear that Sherlock is not motivated to get clean.


	25. February 2000

Father has asked Mycroft to come to Holmes Manor. Mycroft hasn't the foggiest idea why; Father only asks his sons to come home at Christmas. Could Father be bored? He  _has_  been at the Manor alone since retiring in January.

When he walks in, Mycroft is taken aback by Father's appearance. He looks twenty years older than he actually is, and suddenly Mycroft understands why Father retired. Father asks him when Sherlock will get out of rehab, and Mycroft replies that it will be in 10 days.

Father says, "When he is discharged, tell him to come home. I have much to say to him." Noticing Mycroft's shocked look, he continues, "I am much like Edward VIII. However, there was no George VI to carry on for me after I abdicated. I'm sorry."

In other families, this would sound bizarre, but Mycroft knows exactly what Father means. He promises that he shall tell Sherlock to come visit and notes that Sherlock was a difficult boy who neither of them were equipped to deal with.

As he turns to go, Mycroft says, "The Queen permitted Edward and Wallis to be buried at the Royal Burial Ground."

Father nods solemnly but says nothing.

Mycroft's greatest fear is that Sherlock won't come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> History alert! King Edward VIII abdicated the throne in 1936 to marry Wallis Simpson, a divorcee. His successor, King George VI, led Great Britain through World War II. Queen Elizabeth II (Edward's niece) did allow him and Wallis to be buried in the Royal Burial Ground with the rest of England's royalty. Father comparing himself to Edward is his way of admitting failure, and Mycroft pointing out the Royal Burial Ground fact is his way of telling Father that he can be forgiven.


	26. March 2000

After his release from rehab, Sherlock moved to a modest flat far from Holmes Manor and his old drug haunts. Mycroft kept telling Sherlock that Father wanted to see him, would help him restart his life, just let him explain, Sherlock! Sherlock kept putting it off. When Mycroft rang him two days ago, Sherlock thought he was going to nag him about Father yet again. Instead, Mycroft told him that Father died in his sleep and angrily hung up.

Mycroft doesn't see Sherlock until the funeral, when the words, "I hope you've learned a valuable lesson about procrastination" fall out of his mouth. Mycroft knows he shouldn't say this, but his righteous indignation gets the best of him.  _(Why do Sherlock and I bring out the worst in each other?)_

Sherlock angrily stalks off from Father's gravesite. Mycroft tries to chase after him, but his little brother is light on his feet and extremely adept at blending into a crowd. Sherlock is gone in seconds, most likely off for a hit. Mycroft sags into a nearby bench, defeated.

His greatest fear is that his brother, clean for just four months, will relapse.


	27. 2001

Mycroft has not seen or spoken to Sherlock since their father's funeral. He never speaks  _of_ his brother, either; the people he spends the most time with are his colleagues and he never discusses his personal life with them. Despite the chasm between them, Sherlock is never far from Mycroft's mind. It's been 18 months since he inherited their childhood home and Mycroft still won't enter Sherlock's room.

He knows that Sherlock is homeless and still using drugs. Every few months he catches him on CCTV. If it's a good day, his brother is playing violin on the street corner; if it's a bad day, he's coming down off a high. Mycroft also knows that even high on cocaine, his brother could avoid every camera in London if he wished. Sherlock's infrequent appearances on CCTV are his way of proving that he still lives.  _(Is he trying to show himself or me?)_

Mycroft's greatest fear is that one day he will wake up, realize he has not seen Sherlock on CCTV for over a year, and have no clue as to where his brother went or why.


	28. 2002

It's a miserable December night. As freezing drizzle falls, Mycroft walks hurriedly to the Diogenes Club. He's spent all day dealing with America's inexplicable desire to wage war with Iraq and he needs a little silence. Lost in thought, he accidentally knocks over a homeless teenager begging for change. He helps her up, and as he does so, he sees a tall man racing down the alley towards them. Twenty feet away from Mycroft and the girl, the man abruptly stops and retreats behind a skip.  _(Sherlock?)_

Mycroft studies the girl, a runt with impossibly tangled hair.  _(She trusts him. Interesting.)_ He hands her five pounds and says, "I'll give you five more if you can tell me who that man is."

"That's Detective. He helps the police sometimes."

"Is he any good?"

The girl nods vigorously. "Yes. He found the man who killed Jack and he saved me from the gang."

"Does he play the violin?"

"Yes."

Mycroft finds a slip of paper in his coat and scribbles a few words on it. He hands the girl the note and two more fivers, telling her to keep one and give the other and the note to Detective. His greatest fear is that Sherlock won't read the note.


	29. 2003

Mycroft gets the phone call he's been dreading. It's a relief, in a way; at least he can finally stop worrying about this moment and start dealing with it. He's in an important meeting, but it can wait. The reports can wait, the e-mails can wait, his boss can wait, everything can wait while he rushes to St. Bart's. His baby brother  _(why do I still call him a baby when he's 26?)_  is in intensive care after taking a combination of cocaine and heroin known as a speedball. Watching Sherlock's chest move up and down, Mycroft thanks whatever deities exist that someone found him and called 999. Whether or not he was found in time remains to be seen.

Mycroft's greatest fear is that he will have to bury his little brother.


	30. 2003, part 2

Sherlock's eyes flutter open, and for a moment, all Mycroft can see is a three-year-old boy asking for a plaster. Mycroft smiles at the man as he once smiled at the boy and says, "Hello, brother."

Sherlock's voice comes out in a croak – a consequence of having had a plastic tube in his throat for the last few days. "Mycroft?"

"Yes. And no, you're not dead, although you very nearly were," he says, handing his brother a cup of water.

Sherlock drinks. His voice still raspy, he asks, "Why are you here?"

"Because I worry about you, baby brother."

"But you're the British Government."

Mycroft says, "I've hardly had a day off since before 9/11. Even my supervisors agree that I'm owed some time."

Sherlock looks at Mycroft in wonderment, then snorts, "You always did take after Father."

"Not in everything. You inherited his metabolism," Mycroft says, and Sherlock laughs weakly.

Hearing Sherlock laugh – for that matter, hearing Sherlock at all – has become foreign to Mycroft. Mycroft's greatest fear is that everything will return to normal.


	31. 2003, part 3

Mycroft sits at a coffee shop nursing a skim-milk mocha. This isn't normally his sort of hangout, but he's here for an important discussion and this is convenient to the other party's workplace. When a tall man with salt-and-pepper hair walks in, Mycroft nods. _  
_

The two exchange pleasantries, and then Lestrade asks, "What's so important that we couldn't speak on the phone?"

"My brother will be discharged from rehab next week. Have you heard his plan?"

"To be a consulting detective? Yes, I've spent more than five minutes with him."

"While I'm thrilled that Sherlock has found a career, I am a bit wary. Practicality has never been Sherlock's strong suit, and before I allow him access to his trust fund, I feel that I should investigate the achievability of this goal."

"Understandable," Lestrade nods. "Sherlock has a real gift. If he didn't have such a problem with authority I'd want him on the force." The DI proceeds to enumerate all the times that Sherlock has solved a case that he thought unsolvable and saw clues that the officers didn't see, even while high.

That evening, Mycroft gives Sherlock access to half of his trust fund. His greatest fear is that he's made a mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why is Mycroft drinking a skim-milk mocha? Because it's easy on both his sweet tooth and his diet. :)


	32. 2004

One fall evening at Holmes Manor, Mycroft thinks he's dealt with all the crises in the world and is about to relax by the fire when the phone rings. The caller ID shows that it's Greg Lestrade, which means that it must be about Sherlock.

"I think I'm going to punch your brother," he says.

"It took you this long?"

The DI groans, "How can someone as smart as he is be so damn daft about people?"

"Gregory, I am the only person who has any hope of understanding Sherlock Holmes, and after a lifetime of careful study, I still find him mystifying."

"I'm at my wit's end! He makes witnesses cry and half my team is ready to strangle him! Hell, I'm almost ready to strangle him!"

"I understand completely. I have found that wrangling Sherlock requires a fragile combination of iron fists and velvet gloves. He is an overgrown child and you must handle him as such; however, he must not suspect that is how you think of him." Just as he said this, Mycroft heard a siren in the background.

"Christ. Mycroft, I've got to go. Send me an e-mail; I need to know more of your Sherlock strategies."

"I'd be delighted. Good luck, Gregory."

"Thank you, Mycroft."

Mycroft's greatest fear is that Sherlock will drive Greg away.


	33. 2008

Mycroft watches CCTV footage of Sherlock limping into A&E supported by Lestrade.  _(Baby brother, can't you ever stay out of trouble?)_  No matter how old Sherlock gets, it seems he will always need someone to look after him. Mycroft no longer drags Sherlock out of dangerous situations – the last time he did so, Sherlock threw a fit and deliberately put himself in greater danger – but he does keep a close eye on him and alerts Lestrade and the paramedics when necessary. Mycroft thinks back to his teenage years, when he worried that he'd never be able to stop parenting his brother. Now he's nearing forty and that fear has been supplanted by a fear that one day, he  _will_  stop parenting Sherlock.  _(Our parents were not long-lived. Why should I be luckier than they?)_

What will become of Sherlock without Mycroft? Neither of them is marriage material, so it appears that each is all the family the other will ever have.  _(When I am gone, he will be truly alone.)_

Mycroft's greatest fear is that Sherlock will have to bury him.


	34. 2010

Mycroft has just learned that Sherlock has a new flatmate. The more he reads about this John Watson, the more his curiosity grows. At the outset, the two men have nothing in common. Watson is middle-class; Sherlock is upper crust. Watson graduated from Bart's at the top of his class; Sherlock dropped out of University. Watson has spent the last few years serving Queen and Country; Sherlock only serves his own interests.

Intrigued but a bit wary, Mycroft "arranges" for Watson to meet him.  _("Kidnapping" is such an ugly word.)_  After all, Watson is currently living on an Army pension and has no family save for a drunken sister; he may only be interested in Sherlock's voluminous trust fund.

It turns out that the flatmates do have something in common: Mycroft cannot intimidate either of them. Sherlock does not fear Mycroft because at his core, the younger man is still the four-year-old wannabe pirate. Watson does not fear Mycroft because he has faced down true evil and lived.

After the meeting, a quote from his Religious Studies classes bubbles up in Mycroft's mind:  _"As iron sharpens iron, so one man whets another."_  He decides that Dr. Watson is just the whetstone his brother needs.

Mycroft's greatest fear is that John Watson will leave Sherlock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Bible verse Mycroft thinks of here is Proverbs 27:17. And we all know that John leaving Sherlock is one thing Mycroft does NOT need to fear. :)


	35. 2012

His brother has stayed off drugs, has found a flatmate who not only tolerated him but also called him a friend, and has made a name for himself. Mycroft thought he could relax a bit, could reduce his worrying level to whatever a normal big brother's worrying level is.  _(When have Sherlock and I ever been normal?)_  Mycroft thought that only Sherlock could fool him, but there is one other man who can. He makes the mistake of letting his guard down around that man, and Sherlock is the one who pays the price.

A few days later, Mycroft receives a phone call. The call is so similar to a call he received nearly a decade ago, except this time he hasn't been expecting it.  _(I thought I expected everything.)_  His brother is once again at St. Bart's after a suicide attempt. The difference is that this time he didn't overdose, he jumped off the roof, and this time his suicide was successful.

Mycroft Holmes no longer has anything to fear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, there's more in this universe.


End file.
